A test of my commitment

Finally after a month of confinement, i am almost free from pains to blog. 
But firstly thank you SO much to those who encouraged me and shown care for my breastfeeding issues. I really appreciate it.

Reasons of me not updating frequently is partly due to the overwhelming attention baby Kaelin is demanding from me. From breastfeeding round the clock every 1-3 hourly, 12 hours a day, diaper changing so many times till I lost count. Not to mention soothing her colicky cries for hours. Taking care of a newborn is seriously no joke!!!

After a week of struggling with my perineal wound, comes my feeding woes. I thought I had all the answers about breastfeeding. After all I breastfed Kieran for 18 months.  I left the hospital so confidently.
A week later here I am battling with my breastfeeding woes. So much so that I was traumatised and if I had gone through this episode earlier during Kieran's time perhaps I would have not continued with my second baby. - maybe.
Not that I had the most perfect and painless experience with Kieran but I swear this time round the pain really took me to another level. 

My breast was engorged one afternoon after miss fed for 6 hours. Both me and baby Kaelin was sleeping so soundly and I was obviously dead tired from the previous night of soothing not 1 but 2 crying machines. the engorgement didn't went off till I slept with pain killer.
Woke up at midnight by high fever, shivered like mad, very bad nausea and vomiting. I felt myself almost fainting from the giddiness, couldn't even make my way properly to the toilet.

The next morning hub accompanied me to see the doctor. I was diagnosed with "mastitis" they gave me antibiotics and was massage by one of the nurses to clear the blocked ducts. The nurses was kind enough to massage not using her full strength but it was still painful enough that I clenched my fists and my teeth so tightly with each of her pushes. 

antibiotics and paracetamol.

What is mastitis?

Mastitis is a breast inflammation usually caused by infection. It can happen to any woman, although mastitis is most common during the first 6 months of breast-feeding. It can leave a new mother feeling very tired and run-down. Add the illness to the demands of taking care of a newborn, and many women quit breast-feeding altogether. But you can continue to nurse your baby. In fact, breast-feeding usually helps to clear up infection, and nursing will not harm your baby. Although mastitis can be discouraging and painful..

http://www.webmd.com

Mj was kind enough to supply me with her "over stocked" of frozen bm when I was told that I can't feed Kaelin with this antibiotic given, so me and hubby drove down her house that night to collect from her, felt kind of bad to wake her up from sleep in the middle of the night.

Happily I thought I would recover after the massaage and after taking the antibiotics but instead it got worst. The pain intensified each day. 2 days later I was referred to KK hospital A & E. Thanks to my dear fren Maggie who told me how the treatment for mastitis was like in hospital I cried even before the treatment starts!!! 
I was told by her from her friend experience that they used cows and bulls trength to push and massage till the lump and ducts clear, then blood and pus will ooze out of the nipples pores! how scary is this?!

Though I really dread going to the hospital but I felt helpless, plus the pain was really killing me. After examined and confirmed it was mastitis, the lactation consultant massage me AGAIN for an hour! This time round much more pain!!! I was at first hopeful that perhaps they would use another method to treat me.
Maggie was right, they really used cows and bulls strength on me but still the lump was there and no signs of blood and pus yet.

painkillers

Hubby brought me to one of our favourite dim sum at Geylang during our dating days for supper right after the treatment at 3am. I was so hungry but after the treatment the pain totally turns my hunger button off. Couldn't enjoy the food at all but at least that place did brought back many fond memories to soothe my pain a little..

After a week of antibiotics and using the method of massage they taught me, my condition did not improve the slightest bit! in fact it got more swollen, red, and the lump becomes harder.  With all these add the demands from my two babies got me all depressed and moody. I couldn't stop thinking what went wrong, I took my med on time, massage using the same method every 3 hourly, each massage was as if nightmare to me at times I broke into tears while doing it, I was like inflicting pain to myself! 
Imagined the the pain of the wound is like scalded skin with burning sensation and yet I had to forced myself to pressed hard and massage for 20 mins.How can it not get better with all these efforts and sacrificing my much needed sleep?! 

Thankfully I had my mil and my maid to help me out with Kieran during this period, at the same time I really felt guilty that I had neglected him and I miss him sleeping beside me. I totally didn't enjoyed breastfeeding my baby this time round nor well rested during my confinement because I was all worn out anticipating the pain. 

I decided to seek second opinion from another lactation consultant at Mount A hospital. I almost threw the name card away over confidently thinking I wouldn't be calling them anyway.
I was then referred to a breast surgeon there after the consultant seen me. Doctor Yong did an ultrasound scan for me said it had already developed into breast infection with abscess. My previous antibiotics wasn't strong enough for me. The only way was to do a needle aspirations or surgery to remove the abscess and blood out. Of cause I choose needle method. Who in the right mind wants to let the breast go under the knife? unless its for cosmetics reason!

Stronger antibiotics and ointment

The needle was thick and long, I didn't had any anaesthesia. Definitely it was painful when the needle was pierced through my skin. I cried uncontrollably. I think I look like one big baby there. The doctor kept saying sorry to me. I must say he and his assistant was very nice. They were so empathetic to me. The lady stroke my head and tried to calm me down telling me its done, don't worry. 

1st and 2nd needle aspiration. 

Finally the swell subside a bit and with stronger antibiotics given. I felt myself in good hands. I am confident of Dr Yong. Because the affected area is just right below my skin. The swelling burst two days ago which I had been warned of. Bad blood oozed out. going for my 3rd treatment 2 days later.

It looks so bad now revealing the flesh underneath. , but Thank God the pain is much alleviated now.

Almost all my friends who know of my condition persuaded me to give up breastfeeding Kaelin, even Hubby who had been the most supportive asked me to stop too as a short cut to my recovery. Initially I was pretty upset, I thought he understood me the most, and would continued to support and encourage me to nurse myself back. But after much thought I realised he also meant well for me and didn't want to see me go through such pain.

Though I was tempted of taking the short cut cause the pain was almost killing me, but at the back of my head I clearly know what's best for my baby, I kept praying to God, cause only he know what is the best solution. If Dr Yong never advice that I should stop breastfeeding Kaelin, then I will continue to do what I think is right.

 I wish to post those pictures of my gross wounds and my breasts but of cause I couldn't, it would definitely scare those new mummies!
Note to new moms out there: A lesson I learnt. If you ever experience engorgement with redness, pain on your breast and fever, don't wait, go to the hospital immediately, not to normal GPs they are not breast nor lactation specialist, they may gave you wrong advice and prescribed wrong antibiotics.

Now as I look at my wound I wondered if it would leave a scar behind as it was quite big. Anyway I shouldn't be bothered too much about it either. It shall be a reminder to me that I been put through a series of test to prove my commitment to baby Kaelin. 

" ..and many women quit breast-feeding altogether.." 

I can gladly gave myself a pat on my shoulder and said I passed. 

ade.loves

HFMD

25th JULY 2012

A day I will never forget!

 We brought Kieran for his vaccine recently, was told by the nurse that he will get fever 5 days later. So I monitored him, and true enough he was mildly feverish that noon, gave him the prescribed paracetamol and after his nap he was alright. It didn't occurred to me that the symptoms was actually HFMD.

As he seems perfectly ok so we went dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday. After dinner we went to my parents house. He was playing happily with my sis, around 9:30pm, during a commercial break I turned to look at him and he stood still in front of me with his eyes rolling and staring at nowhere, then I sense something amiss. 

Quickly I shouted for my mom, true indeed the next moment his knees went weak and he was shivering with his fists clenched tightly, my mom carried him and immediately pushed her index finger into his mouth. I was petrified and crying uncontrollably never in my entire life I felt this scared, I never seen anything like this before and especially it is happening to my baby. 

5 mins later he stopped shivering, just lying on my mom arms motionless and my heart sank! I cried even louder! I thought of the worst that could happened, but thankfully he was still breathing. The next minute ambulance arrived, medics with stretcher. 

Gloria followed me and Kieran to the hospital, the medics checked his pulse and cover his mouth with oxygen mask. They assured me not to worry, "your baby just had "fits" now he is exhausted and so he fell asleep." I was then slightly relieved because I am sure the medics wouldn't lie to me. 

They called his name to wake him up, after few calls and nudges he cried pushing the mask away from him, I guessed he was intimidated by the unfamiliar surrounding.  My heart lightened even more to see him conscious and crying.

 Dearie arrived the hospital not long after I called him, he was very much frightened by my jittering voice over the phone when I was crying and unable to speak properly of what exactly happened.  

It was only then in the hospital, rashes starts to appear near the mouth area, on his palm as well as his foot. Then we recalled his Champ Kids recent outbreaks of HFMD.

comforting messages from my family..

 from Angela.

I really thank God for them, those consoling words alleviated my worries. I can't imagine if I was alone at home. 

 the following day, 

 poor daddy slept on the floor. Kieran went to sleep beside him, my sweet boy.

 in the evening.

 more rashes appeared. Constant scratching.. So poor thing.

 more on his mouth area. Nurses forced applied ulcer gel for him. He dare not close his mouth, refuse to eat, reject whatever drinks was given.. =/ My dad was worried sick and came that evening to visit his precious grandson, and to packet food for me.

 26th JULY 2012

 after forced fed medicines, he was all moody. He felt real bored, kept crying wanting to go out of the room. Because HFMD is contagious so he needs to stay in the room till discharged.

 really heartache to see them force fed  him with medicines and woke him up from sleep every hour to check his blood pressure, and temperature. He did not sleep nor eat well there. 

 Again in the morning he took a pillow to accompany daddy on the floor!

 I asked for toys from nurses to kill his boredom. 

 well, at least it did for 15 mins??

 IPad is still the best toy for him!

 and TV!

 the room.

 the food he enjoyed the most! as usual he will sing "happy birthday" whenever he sees cake!

 this brownie quite cheered him up!

 eating or playing? finally he was discharged after 2 days. Doctor just want to make sure the fits don't reoccur and he takes his fluid well.

27th JULY 2012 

Home sweet home! some rashes bleed from his scratching.

 Yiyi Angela and Gab came to visit with toys to brighten his evening! Amy was here as well.

 how can he resist this?!

 he love the puppy!

See! I know he will make a good big brother to mei mei. =)

Thank God for hearing our prayers. He regained his active mode soon after he arrived home. Rashes diminishing after the next day.. by day 5 he was recovering and back to his usual appetite. I wondered if he will remember all these when he grows up. This incident really made my realised I was so afraid of losing my precious boy and how much he really means to me and the rest of my family.

There were also many friends who showed their concerns over Kieran and us, you know who you are. Thanks everyone. Kieran had recovered and running with full energy now! ^^, Thanks!!!

ade.love

i have all i need. Thank God.

"Dear, 就算你有很多rashes变不好看我和baby都不会介意。Baby也不会因为这样不会叫你妈咪，或不要你。"


Thanks dear, these words meant a lot to me. I love you. I will stay strong for you and Kieran, for those who care, you know who you are. I won't give up or let it get me down. because of the words all of you showered me with, i really felt blessed, and with all those words, i have within me right now everything i need to deal with whatever the world can throw at me. 
Perhaps God wants me to learnt how to really count my blessings and not not woes. 


end note: don't take your health for granted. 
ADELINE loves her life.

GET WELL SOON.

My darling boy left eye swell last night, last night he cried for quite long before he fell asleep.. seeing his swollen eye makes me heart pain. =(  don't know whether is it because of this he seems to lose his appetite,  (might be also his milk teeth coming out soon) so i brought him to the the clinic the next day. Doctor said maybe due to bacteria infection, most likely the bacteria came in contact while he was exploring and crawling around the house, guess i should spent more time in sanitizing and cleaning the house! Dr Ho gave him antibiotics, anti itch med and eye drop.  Poor baby, hope he gets well soon.

Second unwell "person", our little family member Mr Cookie Koh.
Tummy upset..no appetite.. daddy koh have to Syringe fed him.. through our TLC he is getting better day by day! hope his active mood return soon.

the label reads " Henry's cookie" haha so cute right.

Last unwell person is ME! yes, been unwell for the past 3 months. Everyday i battling with itchy rashes, it is damn torturous. Not only it is physically torturing as it is damn itchy, I'm also struggling emotionally too!

1st Dr : "allergies to seafood.." 

2nd Dr: "white spots, due to humid weather.."

3rd Dr: "no doubt is white spots.." 

4th Dr: "It is eczema.."

5th Dr: "eczema.." 

6th Dr: "chronic allergies, u need to take oral medication in order to cure, but since you're still breast feeding, you have to wait till you stop feeding only then you can safely consume the medication."

very nice! i guess the 7th Dr will say it is skin cancer?

What is chronic allergy?! spare me profound term, i NEED cure! AARRRGGHHH~!!! Someone please help me, God please help me! I'm dying of itchiness! 

i don't know when i will stop bf, but i know it ain't anytime soon. >.< sigh, really hope and pray that i will get well soon. the itchiness is hindering my daily activities, making me short tempered, highly irritable... etc.

ADELINE HOPE YOU GET WELL SOON.