After my 18 months of Motherhood.

Although there are moments of bliss and joy after I had my boy, Kieran. There were days that were so bad that I wondered why I ever wanted a child in the first place. I used to spent the 2 - 4  hours trying to get my baby to sleep and only to have a sound of a clicking switch wake him up. Sometimes I feel so sick of not able to have a meal without being interrupted, and not to mention days when he was running with high fever, both me and dearie didn't get a single wink while we spent the whole night in hospital worried about our feverish boy.

I had not spend one quality moments with my dearie for the first few months and could find the time for simple self grooming or even simply to reply a text. I missed my life back then. I missed having time to call my own or to go out shopping with my gfs, seeing others going on with their lives but here I am struggling to cope with my new identity. 

At first I was embarrassed to admit to others on how the way I felt. when most of them ask how things were going, I will just replied " everything is fine and I'm great." But deep down I felt miserable and trapped, especially when I only slept for a few hours, spending most of my time walking my crying machine around my room in the middle of the night, finally when he was asleep I find myself woke up again not long early in the morning to breast feed and soothe my crying baby.

No time for even that desperately needed shower. I seriously had no idea motherhood would be this hard,  (secretly a part of me wished I never had a child.)  Because many experienced mothers will give you a list of what is needed for the newborns but not a list of warnings for me to navigate through the first few months after birth! NO ONE had warn me that breastfeeding would hurt and BLEED!!! 

Trust me, every new mothers at some point of time will feel the same way as I did. All these are what they call the BABY BLUES. (blame the hormones)

But I promised you, to all future new mummies, don't panic. After 6 months, it will be pretty manageable and better! Don't believe me? if it didn't, I wouldn't be what I am now.

Being pregnant again.

29 weeks

  If you are not one new mummy, you will jolly agree with what I said.

and for those new mummies who are struggling with motherhood, get yourself support, seek advices from friends who have kids, they will understand what you are going through. New mothers need each other - desperately. Find time for retail therapy, high tea or even eat the foods you craved. This may sounds unfriendly to your pocket but definitely much worth than having mental depression. 

 He said "Hi" to the cat!

The best thing is my 517 days of motherhood had brought me wonderful memories of my boy that replaces the memories of my blues and pains, and one smile from him actually makes all worth it. Looking forward to meet my little Angel and the many many challenges ahead. <3
ade.loves